


Reflection

by dragonsong (NekoAisu)



Series: FFXIV Write 2019 [27]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Gen, Gender-Neutral Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Other, Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers, Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 22:36:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20881796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NekoAisu/pseuds/dragonsong
Summary: They write their own memoirs. Page by page. Piece by piece.





	Reflection

**Author's Note:**

> For FFXIVWrite 2019!
> 
> Day 28 | Attune
> 
> Tumblr post here: https://ffxivimagines.tumblr.com/post/188015002104/ffxivwrite-2019-prompt-28-reflection

_“You are a spectator within your own mind, picking apart your words and mannerisms to make them something other. Confident. Soothing. Consumable. You watch yourself like a handler does an animal. It is full of disgust and trepidation._

_“The moment you falter, the shame sets in.”_

The Warrior of Light does not like themself. They know why (or rather, can list the few reasons they may be moderately tolerable rather than desirable) and seek to adjust accordingly. To be quieter. Unfaltering. Unflinching. A symbol of peace and justice.

They can see it as it happens, the process of self alienation, and grit their teeth against the wrongness of it. This is no longer their body to hold, their face to lay claim to, their weapon to use in defense. They are the Warrior of Light. Nameless. Obedient. Invincible.

They cannot afford to be confident without reason as they were before. They are a champion and one of Hydaelyn’s chosen. A holder of Her Echo. She watches them through that connection and soothes them with a wash of aether.

They tremble, hands opening and closing in their lap where blood is crustier under their nails and has soaked into their gear, and allow themself to think. They go over he day piece by piece. They know they were not flawless in battle, nor were they unharmed by he end of it. A problem needing to be fixed. Same as their frazzled hair and odor (mostly born from dried voidsent blood).

They could be better. Always. Inevitably.

They believe qa much even when they are on the First. It takes a while of the Exarch speaking of his old friend for them to realize that it is them that he speaks of so fondly. Having the weak and troubled Warrior of the past remembered in such a way feels impossible, but they listen to his stories and feel genuine affection and longing tint his every word.

They wish they truly could stay by his side. What a boon it would be to know he could be their home (and they asked f he would let them attune to him, once, only to have him sputter and flush brightly at the implication) after rough months of travel and divine duty. They can live in their bones a little more when he is around. They have little left to hide that he has not yet seen.

They write their own memoirs. Page by page. Piece by piece. Speaking of their achievements feels like pulling teeth when all they remember from most conquests is simply that they could have done so much better. The Exarch cuts in more often than not to weave it into a brighter, more vibrant story.

He wants for them to see the spectrum of brilliant wonder they inspire in others, wishes to show them their own resilience same as his affections. He settles for listening and editing their work. They pull him aside, a sheaf of parchment scrolls tucked under one arm, and ask, “Would you stay until I finish this story?”

His breath hitches and they fumble for an apology before he can answer.

“I… I would love nothing more. Always.”

The Warrior of Light, indomitable and stoic as the world knows them to be, flushes brightly. “Thank you, Raha.”

**Author's Note:**

> xiv tunglr | https://ffxivimagines.tumblr.com/  
main | https://kiriami-sama.tumblr.com/  
main | https://twitter.com/flamingacekiri


End file.
